Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You brought string cheese to the strip club
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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