I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
