Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have aggressive nipples.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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