Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
