i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
