So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
