If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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