We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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