Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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