that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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