nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
