Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
