how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize