I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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