Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
