I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
