I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
