ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
