I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
