My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The best revenge is premature balding
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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