ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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