Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
