who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
