You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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