Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
