I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My penis needs a shock collar
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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