I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
