I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Two words: nipple clamps
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