Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
