I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She said her name was "party"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
