As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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