I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
