You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
