A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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