i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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