wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
