i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
