Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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