I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just found a bag of teeth...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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