i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
im six kinds of drunk right now
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
