Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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