She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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