Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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