My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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