Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just gift wrapped bread.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
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I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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