hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
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In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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