she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
