I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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