Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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