I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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