I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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