I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
