We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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