sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
