"it" just moved
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
