I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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